The whole purpose of the Christian life is to learn to be more open to grace and to have a docility to the Holy Spirit. We do that through surrender of our will, of our pride, of our self-reliance, of our own sense of self-righteousness, of our on expectations, desires, or plans.
If we want to come into the fullness of life and grace we need to die to self.
We find life and happiness by the surrender of our lives to God in faith. In doing that, Jesus can truly be Lord of our lives.
How do we know when we aren't abiding in the Lord? Whenever we start to feel fear, pride, anger, impatience, criticalness, or anything that robs us of peace, love, and joy.