Community LifePutting lives together is as old as the Church itself. It is deep within the consciousness of the Catholic Church, tracing itself all the way back to the apostolic age. "Those who believed shared everything in common" (Acts 2:44). The history of the Church is, in some ways, a history of communities. The Companions of the Cross feel that they are but a very small link in a long and large chain. Although we are to be a body committed to the active ministry of the Church, we believe that we will be defined, not so much by the ministry we undertake, but rather by the quality of the life that we will live together. Before we will be able to do anything worthwhile for the Lord together, we will have to be something good together. 1. Elements of Common Life 2. Evening prayer in common three times per week (a song and evening prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours). Total time: 10 - 15 minutes. 3. Evening Meal in common at least three times per week. 4. Community Social on one Saturday evening a month - an extended time together, a "household" night which would usually include an evening meal and some kind of recreational activity. On other Saturday evenings - an openness to spending time together, always allowing for a brother's possible ministry involvement or need for quiet time ... remembering one of the earliest words received at the brothers' meetings - "be creative in finding ways to spend time together." 5. Other community meetings: the above household routine would, of course, be supplemented by spiritual direction, bi-weekly share group, and bi-weekly community "brothers' meeting." It is important that we find the balance that can give us the support we need while allowing us sufficient time and freedom both for the ministry we undertake and the time we need to ourselves. 2. Cultivating a Healthy Disposition Towards the Common Life
 St. Paul seems to be writing a useful blueprint for us. "Because you are God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with heartfelt mercy, with kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. Bear with one another; forgive whatever grievances you have against one another. Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you. Over all these virtues, put on the love which binds the rest together and makes them perfect. Christ's peace must reign in your hearts, since, as members of the one body, you have been called to that peace. Dedicate yourselves to thankfulness. Let the word of Christ, in all its richness, dwell within you in wisdom made perfect, instruct and admonish one another. Sing gratefully to God from your hearts psalms, hymns, and inspired songs. Whatever you do, whether in word or in action, do it in the name of the Lord Jesus. Give thanks to God the Father through him" (Colossians 3: 12-17) . And St. Peter has a word to add, "Above all, let your love for one another be constant, for love covers a multitude of sins. Be mutually hospitable without complaining. As generous distributors of God's manifold grace, put your gifts at the service of one another each in the measure he has received." (1 Peter 4:8-10). We believe very firmly that what we are doing has been initiated by the Lord himself. We pray that we don't take it off the track he has set it on. We are convinced, in addition, that this little enterprise is the same kind of thing that God wants to establish in every place, that it is very much at the heart of what he wants to do for the renewal of the diocesan priesthood. Living together in supportive relationships can serve as the protection we need against the many hazards of ministry we experience. It's time to end the isolation priests have been living in for too long.. Putting our lives together may not always be easy. It can be fairly threatening to become as vulnerable as community will demand of us. But it is worth doing. But it is one of God's basic works. The unity of our life together will authenticate the gospel we proclaim and give it power. 3. How to Grow in Love and Support of One Another
If we are to be the Master's disciples, we must love one another. Jesus left no room for disagreement. In fact, our love for one another is to be the principal identifying characteristic of those who follow him. These are his words: "By this will all men know that you are disciples of mine if you have love for one another." (John 13:35) If this is to be the case for all Christians, how much more so must it be true of those who form up one of the communities he has called into being? We, the Companions of the Cross, have to take this injunction of the Lord very seriously and work at it. The love we speak of is not something that happens automatically. It is something that must be chosen by each of us. Just what kind of love is Jesus talking about? How intense must be the love we have for one another? Here are more of his words: "Love one another as I have loved you" (John 13:34). How has he loved us? Hear him again: "There is no greater love that a man can have than to lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). He didn't, of course, just say it. He did it. The love he wants us to share, then, is the kind that is deep enough, committed enough, persevering enough that, did the circumstances call for it, we would actually be willing to die for one another. It's a tall order. The Lord obviously wants us to be very involved with one another, developing a life together such that people will marvel at us, be so impressed by what they see that they will be convicted about who it is we follow. The love we share will draw people to Jesus himself.
Do we all know that it is much easier to love everybody than it is to love the folks close by? It is easier to be a lover of mankind than to love those flesh and blood people with whom we rub shoulders every day. It isn't so easy to love them. It can, at times, be even difficult. It can be particularly difficult to love those who share my dwelling. The members of my own household represent a special problem. I know them too well. Not only can I come to appreciate their finer qualities, those things that everybody outside the house can see readily enough, but I get into very close touch with their shortcomings too. When we live together, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, our faults and failings become awfully difficult to hide. We don't exactly want to let it all hang out, but it does anyway. It isn't easy to love people when their cruddiness faces us every day. But love them we must, warts and all. It's amazing how little things can begin to loom so large when we live under the same roof. How do we feel about the one who talks so much, and invariably in a loud voice? Or who talks almost incessantly about himself? Or who doesn't talk at all? How about those who try to be funny a lot and just can't pull it off? The one who rattles his rosary? (Even St. Therese had trouble with that one.) What about the ones who never turn out the lights? Or who stay too long in the bathroom? And those whose interests are so categorically different from mine? It just isn't easy. And yet, these are the real live people the Lord wants me to love. How can we do it? We have to make the choice. Love is a decision, a decision that God wants me to make. When I make it, he steps in and gives me the grace that renders it possible.  Is it possible? It has to be. It's what the Lord is asking of us. He doesn't ask the impossible. It rests with us. We have to choose it. When we do, he will make it possible. When we hear ourselves saying things like - "What about me? Why doesn't somebody do something for me for a change? What about my likes and dislikes?" - then we can be sure we are missing the boat. We are losing opportunities to love. St. Francis said that love is at its best when we are getting nothing at all. Love is a decision, a decision that God blesses. 4. AffirmationThe letter to the Hebrews says: "Encourage one another daily" (Hebrews 3:13). It seems the Lord has made us in such a way that we need to be told, on a fairly regular basis, that we're OK. It goes almost without saying that those who are trying to live out their lives as brothers will have to get involved in bringing out the best in one another. Words of encouragement are in order. It is called affirmation.
It's a rather tall order for a community. And yet, it is God's design. And it is something with which he will gift a body of brothers/sisters, provided each one will make the decision to love and to forgive one another. This is a real need, not just a psychological conclusion. This is the way God has made us. We are meant to rely on one another. Brotherly support is not an option, especially for those who take on ministry within the Church. It is a necessity, a daily one at that. The word of God is abundantly clear. "Let us make it our aim ... to strengthen one another," St. Paul says (Romans 14:19). In fact, he says it again: "With perfect humility, meekness, and patience, bear with one another lovingly" (Ephesians 4:2). And again: "Be kind to one another, compassionate, and mutually forgiving" (Ephesians 4:32). And yet again: "Comfort and upbuild one another" (I Thessalonians 5:11). If we are going to live out our lives as brothers in the Lord, we are going to have to seek out opportunities to affirm one another with sincerity and with regularity. Because we are participants in a wounded human nature, we tend to focus upon our own needs to such a degree that perhaps this is not so easy, not something that comes to us naturally. Just so, we will have, then, to make a conscious effort to do it. If we practise hard enough and persevere, we'll get good at it. I don't have to wait until my brother does something good before I give some recognition to him, nor do I have to phrase my affirmation in elaborate words of praise. How about some simple things like: "It's just so good to have you around," or "You're a heck of a guy, you know," or "I hope you know you're a very special person." Wouldn't little words of encouragement like that not make others feel much better about themselves? Are some protesting that they'd feel awkward saying things like that? A little practice. That's all we need. We can all get good at it.  It is important for us to take positive steps to affirm our brothers. It is equally important that we avoid negative stuff. Negative humour has a subtly erosive effect on the good health of any community. It should be nipped in the bud. We can so easily get to be experts at picking out the faults and weaknesses of our brothers and poking fun at them. But this will have a destructive effect on how they feel about themselves. We should never remind others of their past failures nor, in any way, go about trying to even the score. Differences between us have to be worked out in a more positive way. Of course, affirmation can be overdone. There is no point in affirming a brother for his mistakes or foibles. Sometimes he will need to be called forth. But there is a way to do this. And we have to learn it. We are all wounded to some degree. We might as well admit it. The healing we need can happen as we live together, respecting and supporting one another, loving one another as brothers. The better we all get at affirming one another, the more effective the healing process will be for all of us. 5. UnityThe gospel writers report Jesus as praying a lot. He would get up early, find a 'lonely' place and be in communion with his Father (Mark 1:35). Included in his times of prayer were requests of all sorts. Among other things, he prayed all night before selecting the twelve apostles, presumably asking the Father's counsel about it.
The Lord calls people together to share their lives with one another in him and so that he can use them to do his work. That's where the vision for any community comes from, from the overall plan of God to accomplish his purposes through bodies of disciples. It is their unity that God will use to make their work effective. It is their divisions that will bring the vision down. Unity is God's doing. The Father, being perfectly one with the Son and the Holy Spirit, operates best through people who are one with him and one with one another. Because we tend so easily to divide one from another, the path to unity the Lord places us on will require a lot of purification, a lot of sandpapering. Strong and lasting unity among a body of disciples, among the members of a community, is hard to come by. Are some saying impossible? Not at all. Rare perhaps, but not impossible. Nothing is impossible with God (Mark 14:36). If God wants it, he can make it possible. It is for me to desire it with all my heart and to work for it with everything I've got. Division, it is plain, is not God's work. We can readily see that. But can we see that is someone else's work? It is, for sure, the main tactic of our implacable foe, Satan. Ever since God began calling people together, urging them to be one, the enemy has been at work to divide them. It has, in fact, been his most successful enterprise. We live in a divided church. Not only are there hundreds of different Christian denominations, there are serious divisions within our own Church. But, wherever the Lord can find a group of disciples who are willing to be one with one another, no matter how difficult it may be for them, he is ready to do powerful things. As the Companions of the Cross, we have to be ready to sacrifice ourselves in the cause of unity. Whatever the cost, we have to be willing to pay it.
We can work for unity in many different ways. Here are a few practical steps we can all follow to facilitate the Lord's task of forging among us a oneness through which he can move:
 How united are we to be? Jesus has said that we are to be one just as he is one with his Father. How one is that? One day, the apostle Philip asked Jesus to let the disciples see the Father, just once. One look at the Father and we'll be satisfied, he said. Jesus' response? "Philip," he said, "you have been with me all this time and you can make a request like that? Philip, if you have seen me, you have already seen the Father" (John 14:9). Now, that's really one. That's a lot of unity. But, Jesus urges it of us. Are we willing to go for it? 6. Reconciling With One Another
Unfortunately, because we're human, we offend one another. We fall out with our brothers and sisters. We are not in relationship very long with others before we need to be asking for their forgiveness. We have a regularly recurring need for reconciliation. It is important for us to know how to go about it. We must develop a heart for it. We must desire with a real longing to maintain the unity the Lord wants us to have. This is not always easy. If someone has offended me, I may not feel much like getting it straightened out with him. It is a lot easier just to nurture a grudge. If we don't have the heart for it, we might try asking God to grant it. There is a lot of potential for effective reconciliation in a group of committed people like the Companions of the Cross. I can safely assume that all the brothers are of good heart, that they are sincere and as concerned about the kingdom of God as I am. It will require that I get practical about getting the necessary reconciliation underway. If I sense the need for it, rather than wait for my brother to do it, I should take the initiative myself. We'll have to set a time and place for us to meet, just the two of us. It goes without saying that we should get the conversation started with a short prayer. It will probably work best if we try to deal with one item at a time. It will facilitate things if only one tries to talk at a time and if neither interrupts the other when he's speaking. Our vocabulary should be free of confrontational or judgmental terms, such as 'silly' or unreasonable'. We have to be careful how we say things. Rather than begin by saying: "You said...... it would be better to phrase it something like: "I thought I heard you say ..." At the same time, it is important for us to be quite honest. If I have been hurt by something said or done, I have to say so. 1 might try it, however, in a non-threatening way, like: "You probably meant nothing by it, but I was really hurt when you..."
We must also avoid making judgments. An observation is one thing. No harm in that. But judgment is another thing. Lots of harm in that. If I say: "You have been going fourteen to sixteen hours a day for the past week," I'm not (provided it's true) out of line. But, If I add: "What are you trying to do - save the world?" then I am way out of line. Jesus speaks a word about that. "Judge not, lest you yourself be judged," he says (Luke 6:37). If, as the dialogue goes on, I become convicted that I have actually wronged my brother, even in a small way, or even inadvertently, I should say I'm sorry and ask him for forgiveness. If he asks forgiveness of me, I have no choice: I must forgive. It doesn't depend on my feelings. Some s they can't forgive because they don't feel it. Not so. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It is a decision. It's like trust in God or getting up in the morning. The Lord wants both these no matter how we feel. And he wants forgiveness the same way. After all, the Lord has forgiven us. And we probably haven't deserved it either. It is important to get all items aired. Even if we need a second meeting, it is vital to complete the process. It may painful, but it's worth it. We have to persevere to the end. If our dialogue reaches an impasse, we should invite assistance of a third brother, one who is not likely to take sides. The reconciliation, when finished, has to be lived out. have to be able to become friends and talk again, even spend time together. In a very real way, it is true that, if can't play together, it is quite unlikely that we will be to pray together. Jesus puts it in a way that leaves no room for alternatives. He says: "Therefore, if you bring your gift to the altar, and there recall that your brother has anything against you, leave your gift there at the altar, go first and be reconciled with your brother, and then come and offer your gift." (Matthew 5: 23, 24). The community, the Companions of the Cross, consider this whole matter of prime importance, so important we have placed ourselves under obedience to work out grievances in this way, to enter into dialogue and become reconciled. We believe that, if we don't, we're stuck. We believe the Lord is completely unwilling to accomplish his full purposes with us unless we love, are one with, one another. That means being reconciled. |
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1. Morning prayer in common five times per week. This prayer time is comprised of three basic components: a) spontaneous praise and song; b) a period of silence (listening for any "words from the Lord"); and c) morning prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours. At all times we are to be open to the use of the spiritual gifts. Total time: 30 - 40 minutes.
The Lord's plan for the disciples of Jesus includes support structures for them. We are not meant, ordinarily, to live out our Christian commitment alone. While relating closely to other people brings with it the potential for all manner of trial, the advantages are far greater. Anyone who has experienced genuine Christian community, whether it be parish-based or otherwise, will attest to God's presence in the midst of it. But it isn't always easy. As in the case of everything worth striving for, we have to work at it. There are many feelings to deal with, many decisions to be made.
It sounds good, doesn't it? Quite a challenge, but awfully good. But we have to move it out of the realm of theory into the realm of daily practice. Words are not enough. We have to live it. St. Paul has something to say about the kind of love we are to share. "Make my joy complete," he urges the Christians, "by your unanimity, possessing the one love, united in spirit and ideals. Never act out of rivalry or conceit. Rather, let all parties think humbly of others as superior to themselves, each of you looking to others' interests and not his own" (Philippians 2:2-4).
I have to be convinced that those who are closest to me will love me for who I am, and not just for what I do. I have to know that, despite my mistakes, I am treasured. I must be sure that, my weaknesses notwithstanding, I have people around me who will stay around. When I mess up, I have to be confident that, after I confess my wrongdoing and resolve to make amends, all will be forgiven and forgotten. And even in the midst of my folly or transgression, I have to know that the love my brethren have for me will not grow cold, no matter what.
My conviction is that his most fervent prayer was that his followers would be one, that they would be united heart and soul. "I pray that they all may be one as you, Father, are in me, and I in you. I pray that they may be one in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me ... that their unity may be complete. It is by this that the world will know you have sent me" (John 17:21-23). It is important, therefore, that we be one because God himself is one, and also because our unity will be the effective cause of people's coming to faith.
The unity the Lord wants from us is a unity of purpose. We feel we have a basic vision from the Lord for what we are to be. We are to be united around it. We can have differences of opinion about many things. We can have differences of style, different preferences. There is no problem with that. In fact, that's probably quite healthy. The unity we need will not be achieved by casting all of us into the same mould. We want to be one, but we don't need to be identical. We are not interested in cloning people. It is the vision, the Lord's word to us, we want to clone.
The gospel's word on loving one another and being one with one another is just too plain to deny. "Love one another as I have loved you," Jesus tells his disciples (John 13:34). "Make every effort to preserve the unity which has the Spirit as its origin and peace as its binding force," St. Paul writes (Ephesians 4:3).
We have to remember that our meeting is a dialogue. There is no point in my trying to gain the upper hand. It isn't a contest. There isn't to be a winner and a loser. As a matter of fact, we are both meant to be winners. I am not to be interested in proving myself right. That is of no importance at all. I have to keep in mind that the purpose of dialogue is to understand the brother's point of view, to gain an appreciation of where he's coming from. It is not important to find out who is to blame. We are not meeting to lay guilt trips on each other. Accusations are out of place. Words like: "You're not perfect either, you know," or "Don't you talk," or "Yes, but you said ..." have no place in a reconciliation session. If they occur, we'll only need more reconciling later.
